


Don't Ever Look Back

by inthepeppermintwind



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-22
Updated: 2012-11-22
Packaged: 2017-11-19 06:58:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/570480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inthepeppermintwind/pseuds/inthepeppermintwind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For one shining moment Kurt Hummel was the most important person in the universe. But he knows what's coming next - he knows his brain can't handle the Timelord conscience. So how is he supposed to say goodbye to the man he's in love with? Doctor!Blaine</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Ever Look Back

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work that I originally published on fanfiction.net in 2011 (under the name pineappletop92). I am currently moving all of my stories from there to here and scarvesandcoffee (when they apply). Thank you.
> 
> This idea has been playing in my head for a bit. Not what I normally do – I usually preferring veering away from the original script of a show, but I really wanted to see what it would be like to put Kurt in Donna's place. I love Donna Noble. I love that she wasn't in it because she was in love with the Doctor, but because she was in love with the adventure. But of course, this is Kurt Hummel we're talking about, and he's nothing like Donna Noble. Except for the sass.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or Doctor Who. If I did, then when we enter that large box with the Doctor on Christmas, we'd all end up in McKinley just as Blaine is giving Kurt his gift.
> 
> Original Publication Date: December 19, 2011

_We can dance until we die_

_You and I, we'll be young forever_

Kurt watched as the Doctor as he leaned against one of side of the Tardis, folding his arms over his chest as his attention turned inward. He grinned, knowing the perfect way to distract the curly-haired man from thoughts of his old companions.

"I thought we'd try the planet Feldspoon," he said excitedly, starting to push buttons as he tried to ignore the pounding in his head. "Just because. What an interesting name, Feldspoon. Apparently it has mountains that sway in the breeze. Mountains that move, can you imagine?"

The Doctor glanced at him, eyes vacant of all emotions. "And how do you know that?"

"Because it's in your head. And if it's in your head, it's in mine." It was strange, Kurt thought as he skipped around the console. He had never thought that sharing a mind with the man he loved would feel so natural. He could remember everything the Doctor remembered, see everything as he saw it, yet nothing felt wrong.

Except for the pounding.

A voice in his head, one that sounded far too much like the Doctor, told him that it  _shouldn't_  feel natural, but he pushed that voice aside.

_Not yet,_  Kurt thought.  _Not now_.

"And how does that feel?" the Doctor asked, something else creeping into his voice, making his words sound even more hollow than before.

"Amazing!" Kurt replied with a grin. "Fantastic!  _Molto Bene!_  I have this great big universe, packed into my brain."  _And it's starting to- No._  He focused on something else, ignoring the inevitable. "You know you can fix that chameleon circuit if you just try hotwiring the fragment links and superseding the binary binary binary binary binary-"  _I can't stop. Oh, God, I can't stop. No. Not now. Please not-_  "binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary binary-"

With a gasp he cut himself off, turning away from the Doctor who had stood up from his where he had been leaning and moved towards him.

"I'm fine!" he said before the Doctor could say anything. He couldn't look at him. Not knowing what his face will say. "You know what? Forget, Feldspoon. You know who I'd like to meet? Charlie Chaplin. I bet he's great, Charlie Chaplin. Shall we do that, shall we go see Charlie Chaplin?" Not knowing what to do with his suddenly shaking hands, Kurt grabbed the phone and picked it up, tossing it between his hands. He couldn't stop talking, his mouth moving at a mile a minute while his brained tried to tell it to shut up.

"Shall we, Charlie Chaplin? Charlie Chester, Charlie Brown, no he's fiction," he reminded himself as he replaced the phone in its cradle, still avoiding the Doctor's hazel eyes. Kurt knew what he would see in them if he did.

_Not yet. I'm not ready_.

His mouth wouldn't stop working, his voice creating words without his approval. Flowing out of him nonsensically as the pounding in his brain grew louder and the swirling mass of stars, planets, the histories of entire species, and so many words, so many words-

"-friction, fiction, fixing, mixing, Rickston, Brixton."

Kurt gasped again, falling against the console as his knees buckled, a soft exclamation falling from his lips, the pain in his head blocking out everything but the one thought that he didn't want to think about. The knowledge he wished he could ignore.

A familiar hand touched his shoulder, gentle and reassuring.

"Do you know what's happening?" a voice asked quietly next to his ear.

Slowly, Kurt lifted his head and nodded, eyes still focused on the console in front of him, which was beginning to blur in his vision.

"There has never been a human-Timelord meta-crisis before," the Doctor said. "And you know why."

And Kurt did know why. He turned his head away from the Doctor altogether, blinking back the tears.

" _Because there can't be,"_  he whispered, shrugging off the hand and crossing his arms over his chest. "I want to stay."

The hand returned, more firmly now.

"Kurt, look at me."

_No. If I look then-_

"Look at me."

Kurt turned and looked, eyes locking, and saw the same emotions he felt reflected back in the swirling masses of hazel. Sorrow, fear, pity, regret…love.

- _it will all be real._

"I was going to be with you forever," Kurt whispered, his voice breaking. The Doctor pulled him into a hug.

"I know," he murmured, running his hands through Kurt's hair. Kurt closed his eyes, burying his face in the Doctor's shirt, trying to let the smell ingrain itself in his memory. Like cinnamon and sugar, he had always thought. The perfect blend of spicy and sweet. And a smell he could never name, but always reminded him of fading glow of the sunset they had watched together on a small planet in the Gemini squadron, the softs reds and purples reflecting off the white mountains like clouds.

"I was going to spend the rest of my life," Kurt mumbled, pressing into the soft fabric, "traveling among the stars with you. Not even New York could compare."

He felt the Doctor press his forehead down against his hair as his grip tightened around him. Kurt shifted to look up at him, to see those hazel eyes once again.

He knew what they were telling him.

Kurt shook his head, pushing at the Doctor, trying to make him let go.

_I'm not ready._

"I can't go back," he pleaded, watching the Doctor's eyes grow sadder. "Please don't make me go back, Doctor. Not after all I've seen…after all I've done…after being with you.  _Please_. Doctor-"

"Kurt," the Doctor said softly, reaching up a hand to cup his cheek. Kurt instinctively placed his over the Doctor's, trying to keep it there. "Oh, Kurt…I'm so sorry."

Kurt let out a sob. "But I love you."

He watched as a tear slid down the Doctor's cheek. He moved closer to Kurt, close enough that their breaths mingled and their lips ghosted across each other. The pain flaring in his head was forgotten as for one magical moment Kurt thought that he would finally get the kiss he had been craving from the Doctor since he had first taken his hand and told him to run.

The kiss never came.

There was only a small increase in the pain as the Doctor began to erase his memory, and then nothing.

* * *

Kurt slumped in the Doctor's arms as he continued to hold him upright, pressing his forehead against Kurt's. He closed his eyes as he whispered softly to the unconscious man.

" _I love you, too._ "

He had ached to kiss him. To finally feel those lips move beneath his own as he had dreamed of doing since that moment when Kurt had been singing and he looked up and  _saw_  him for the first time. But he hadn't been able to bring himself to do it. If he had, there would only be more to miss. More to grieve.

He continued to cradle Kurt as the Tardis made her landing outside the Hummel-Hudson residence in Lima, Ohio, in the United States of America, on the planet Earth. He gingerly picked Kurt up and carried him out the doors and into the atmospherical-disturbance rain. When he reached the front door to the house, however, he slid to the ground, unable to work his legs for some reason. He reached up to ring the doorbell before looking back down at Kurt, whose head was still in his lap. If the Doctor didn't know any better, he could have sworn Kurt was sleeping, and at any minute he would wake up and glare at the Doctor for letting his clothes get wet before stalking off to go fix his hair so that he would look impeccable for their next stop.

But, no, that could never happen.

The door opened to reveal Finn, Kurt's name dying from his lips as he saw the two on the ground. The Doctor looked up at him pleadingly.

" _Help me."_

Together they brought Kurt up to his room, while Burt and Carole hovered behind them. Carefully, they laid him on top of the covers, his head lolling to the side. The Doctor reached out to brush Kurt's bangs back before turning and leaving the room, unable to stand being there any longer. He leaned against the wall outside, closing his eyes as he tried to keep himself from breaking. A hand on his shoulder startled him. He jumped and opened his eyes to see Burt's face in front of his, glaring at him.

Without a word they all headed down the stairs and into the living room, where Burt took the armchair while Carole sat on the edge of the couch. Finn stood behind her, arms crossed with a frown on his face. The Doctor remained standing as well, looking at all of them.

"What the hell did you do to my son?" Burt asked gruffly. The Doctor winced.

"Burt," Carole reprimanded gently before turning back to the Doctor. "Doctor, could you please explain what happened?"

With a sigh he did. He briefly explained about the Daleks and the twenty-seven planets before focusing on what had happened to Kurt in the Tardis with his old hand. He knew that much of what he was saying wasn't making much sense to the Hummel-Hudsons, but they seemed to understand the gist of it, Burt and Carole continuously asking him questions while Finn remained silent.

"You can't tell him anything about me, or the Tardis," he told them quietly after he had finished. Somehow he had ended up on the couch next to Carole, hands resting on his knees. He couldn't bring himself to look any of them in the face. "If you do, he will remember everything and he  _can't_  because it will be too much for his human brain to handle and he will burn up and die."

"There's…there's no way to fix it?" Carole asked.

The Doctor shook his head. "Not so that he can remember as well. Anything, just one small memory, and he will be gone. The Timelord conscience…it's not meant for a human brain to handle."

"So that's it then?" Burt asked. "We just let him forget everything that's happened and act like it never did? What about what just happened? The whole world's talking about it! We traveled across space!"

The Doctor shrugged. "It'll just be a story to Kurt. Nothing more. He's not allowed to remember me, or what he did."

"But he was better with you!"

The Doctor jumped, looking over at Finn who had finally spoken. He was glaring at the Doctor.

"Before you, he was scared!" Finn shouted, his face contorting in anger. "He was bullied every single day and he was lonely. Before you, Doctor, he was  _broken_. How can you just let him go back to that?"

Taking a shaky breath to hold back the tears, the Doctor replied softly. "I don't want to. Believe me, I would give more than anything to see him happy. But I'd  _much_  rather see him alive. I can't…I couldn't live with myself if I watched him die and did nothing to stop it."

Finn shook his head, turning and walking out of the living room.

"I just want you to know," the Doctor continued to Burt and Carole, "that there are worlds out there that are safe because of Kurt. He's one of the most compassionate people I have ever met and he's changed so many lives out there – in the past, in the future, and on planets whose names you could never even dream of pronouncing. But he did it all…with a smile so bright I swear the stars dimmed in comparison."

"Doctor…"

He shook his head at Carole. "There's a song about him too, you know. Across millions of light years and thousands of generations, his name will forever be known among the stars. Kurt Hummel will never be forgotten, even if he can't remember."

Just then the boy in question rounded the corner, a furious look on his face. He paused in the doorway with his hands on his hips, glaring at his father. The Doctor sat up straighter, glancing away from Kurt as he struggled not to meet his blue eyes.

"Dad, why the hell was I asleep in my clothes? Do you know how easily this fabric wrinkles? Honestly, how could you let me do that?"

He couldn't help it. He looked at him. He looked at his chestnut hair, fixed to usual coif, and his pale skin and his pink lips and sharp nose...

He nearly broke then.

Kurt glanced at him briefly before pulling out his phone, his gaze barely even registering the Doctor's appearance. "Sorry, don't mind me. I'm Kurt."

The Doctor smiled and stood up. "Blaine. Blaine Anderson."

"Yeah, nice to meet you, too," Kurt mumbled, still transfixed on his phone. "What the hell is going on? I have thirty texts from Rachel and Mercedes. Something about planets in the sky. Did I miss something?"

And then he was gone, without a backward glance at the Doctor, fingers already flying over the phone's screen.

"Well, Doctor," Burt said, "I think it's time for you to go."

The Doctor nodded, and with a swift farewell, he left the room.

He could hear Kurt's voice floating from the kitchen. He couldn't help it – some sick, masochistic part of him made him want to see him one last time, to hear his voice, his melodious laughter in his ears.

Kurt was on the phone, his head leaning to the side as he held it between his ear and shoulder. The Doctor watched as he opened the fridge to pull out a bottle of spring water.

"Mercedes, are you joking with me right now? Because you know how I feel about that stupid science-fiction stuff….Of course I don't believe in it, it's not real! Aliens and space travel...honestly, who comes up with this stuff…oh, well, of course Sam would. He basically lives for that type of stuff."

The Doctor cleared his throat. "Kurt?"

Kurt glanced at him, pulling the phone away. "Hmm?"

"I'm just…I'm going now."

Kurt nodded. "Alright, see you."

The Doctor stared at the back of Kurt's head for a few more seconds before turning around and heading for the front door.

He had only taken a few steps out into the pouring rain when a voice stopped him.

"What about you, then?"

The Doctor paused before turning around to look at Finn, who was leaning in the doorway, arms still crossed in front of him.

"Who have you got?"

The Doctor looked down at the puddles beneath his feet. He could feel the water dripping down from his hair into the collar of his shirt. His bow-tie felt too tight as he swallowed past it.

"No one. I'm the last of my kind."

"What about all those friends you've got?"

The Doctor let out a hollow laugh. "They've all got someone else."

Finn nodded before standing up straight in the doorway. "I'll watch out for you."

He panicked, his mind immediately going to the possibility that if Finn kept a lookout for him, then he would tell Kurt and Kurt would start to remember and-

"You can't tell him about me!" he said hurriedly. "If you tell him he'll-"

Finn shook his head. "No, no. I'm not going to tell Kurt. No. I'm just…every night, Doctor. When it gets dark and the stars come out…I'll look up. For him. I'll look up at the sky and think of you."

The Doctor felt a lump form in his throat. It took everything to force out a quick "Thank you" before he was turning and walking briskly back to the Tardis.

It wasn't until he was inside, and the Tardis was already on its way to the far reaches of the galaxy, that the Doctor finally allowed himself to break down and cry as the pain of his breaking hearts ripped through him.

" _I'll never say goodbye to you._ "

_Let's runaway and don't ever look back_

_Don't ever look back_

 


End file.
